dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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