i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
