Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
