yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your penis caused this!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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