The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
