Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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