From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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