is your mom at the bar?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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