you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
