Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
