I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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