didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
