There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
