just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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