it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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