im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
