Got a toothbrush?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your dad touched me again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
