First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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