I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you never un-have a 4some
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
