Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
