My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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