guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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