can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
