That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
