some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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