just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
