So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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