The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
