I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
