dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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