Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
