This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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