A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
