3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
