Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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