I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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