why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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