his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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