guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
