Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
