I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
from now on my penis is your penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
