that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
