Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
