They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
