Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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