He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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