Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We left the knife in your bed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
