you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
