she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
