She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
