Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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