you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This baby is an asshole
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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