I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
