I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
